Pride without lions

“There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves…And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others. The vice I am talking of is Pride.”

C.S. Lewis, in his book Mere Christianity, of which the above selection is from, calls pride “The Great Sin.” I would have to agree with that title. No matter how well we lead our lives, no matter how often we walk in the Spirit, no matter how hard we battle against sin, pride eventually slips into our hearts and causes us to stumble. It is one of Satan’s most perfect creations. His pride and joy perhaps.

My most recent circumstance, of which pride took center stage, happened at work. Out of the blue, it seemed, a co-worker of mine approached me in my office. (I share an office with four other people, so it’s not really ‘my’ office, but that’s what I call it.) Well, from the doorway of ‘my’ office, she addressed me in a tone that I could tell was not her usual cheerful way. She proceeded to tell me, in a very condescending style, how I had acted in an unprofessional manner and completely insulted her in a meeting we both participated in earlier that day. When she was finished, she turned her back and walked away. I was petrified. Not only was I horrified that I had done something to inflict so much hurt and pain, but I could hear the utter silence of my office, and I could feel the eyes of my four office-mates staring at the back of my head. There I was, embarrassed, covered in shame, totally unable to begin to explain myself. So I did the only thing I knew to do, avoid all eye contact, get up and go home.

After I had gotten over some of the initial shock of what happened, I began to grow indignant, and be honest, mad. I had been publicly called out in front of my peers, and then been left without opportunity to counter. I couldn’t even think of what I could’ve said that would have offended her. How dare she? She should be glad that I didn’t retaliate, and berate her for breaking the chain of command, publicly humiliating me, and pretty much flat out lying. I thought I had handled the situation well. I had honored God in keeping my cool. Then it came to me, a verse from James 4, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Maybe I hadn’t sinned against my colleague. Maybe I had sinned against God, and this was his method of bringing me down a notch. Come to think of it, it had been a while since the last time I was taught this lesson. I prayed to God for his forgiveness and thanked him for his correction. As I began to pray, conviction overcame me. Not only was I guilty of the pride that began this whole scene, but also of the prideful thought that I had somehow honored God by holding my temper and not let flying the unwholesome tirade I had already scripted in my mind. I was reminded that I’m not the big man that I sometimes think I am. Usually the opposite, in fact.

The next day I offered a written apology to the co-worker that I upset and received her forgiveness. In recounting the episode, I was reminded of another C.S. Lewis book, “The Screwtape Letters.” In this book, a man overcomes some form of persecution with such Christ-like form, that he becomes proud of himself. Yet another example of how pride can bite at your ankles while you look to the Heavens for compliments.

Pride is strong. And pride will come at you. You may win often, but it will win some. If it seems that God has knocked you down a few rungs, just know it is because he loves you. He is pruning you, shepherding you, sculpting you to be more honoring of him. And be thankful that he does, because you are unable to do so yourself.